


What You Need

by ZekeWithAGun



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Cursed, Humor, M/M, More will be added, Out of Character, i'd hope.., i'll let you guess which ones, nothing here is good, nothing here is sacred, or serious, some of the ships are one-sided
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:40:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29107203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZekeWithAGun/pseuds/ZekeWithAGun
Summary: Eren hasn't dated anyone ever in his life but he's not immune to Valentine's Day rush and he's trying to find a hot date. He has his eyes set on the hottest person he knows: the janitor at his university.
Relationships: Eren Yeager/Zeke Yeager, Levi Ackerman/Zeke Yeager, Levi/Eren Yeager, Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 19
Kudos: 47





	1. Can't make you love me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tisapear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisapear/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've read many cursed stories. I love them, they make me suffer but also bring me a lot of joy. They are a gift and a curse, a literal curse, they haunt me. I was bored the other day and decided I wanted to write my own so here it is.  
> Is it bad? Probably, let's act like anything wrong, gross, cringe and inconsistent about this story is completely on purpose. I mean, at least some of it is! But you'll never know if that grammatical error or misspelled word was supposed to be there or not.  
> I love not feeling compelled to proofread stuff :3

Valentine's day was coming and everyone at school was getting anxious, no one wanted to spend such an important day alone. Eren Jaeger was no exception to this Valentine's day fever. He was a homosexuals but he had never been on a date with a boy before... or with anyone for that matter. He had never been kissed or had a boyfriend but there was someone he was interested in. The problem was, it was one of the most popular janitors in school: it was Levi Rivaille Ackerman. 

Levi was so cool, with his pale mayonnaise skin and dark charcoal hair. Oh, how Eren wished he could brush that soft hair... It was such a delicious torture to see him every day at uni, observing him from afar. Levi wasn't just popular among the students but also some teachers, there were even rumors he was having an affair with their history teacher but Eren was sure that was not true. Levi was a loner and way too cool for friends or at least Eren believed as much from his long stalking sessions. There was no one else Eren wanted to go out with on this important date but how could he ask him on a date if he didn't even have the courage to talk to him at all? Even if he managed to gather the courage to ask Levi out, he had no idea of what to do... how was a romantic date supposed to be like? How do you kiss a boy? Eren had no idea.

  
If there was something he hated was asking for help but this time there was no other choice. He couldn't ask his friends though... If Jean found out he was a virgin he wouldn't hear the end of it and he couldn't ask Armin either, even if he trusted him because he still had an image to maintain. He knew many other homos like him but no one was hot enough to have answers to Eren's questions. Eren was to go to the school library in hopes he'd find a "how to date a boy when you're also a boy: A guide" but then he remembered he had an older gay brother and he was also hot! They had the same genes after all. That afternoon Eren had something important to do and it had nothing to do with his homework or next week's exam.

  
Zeke had a couple of roommates but they were hardly ever at their apartment so Eren didn't feel awkward just stopping by to hang out with his brother.  
For some reason, his brother didn't answer the door immediately but when he finally opened Eren realized why. He had nothing but a towel around his waist and his hair was wet.

  
"Sorry, I was taking a shower." he explained, letting his little brother enter his apartment.

  
"Oh no problem, bro. I should've texted you or something to let you know I was coming." though he never really did that, he just visited whenever he felt like it and his brother was always there since he didn't have many friends to go out with.

  
Eren sat on the sofa, as he had done many times before but today he was kinda nervous. His brother sat right next to him and Eren couldn't help but notice how strong and define his muscles were. He wondered if Levi would look like that under his sexy janitor clothes, he wasn't nearly as tall as his brother was but maybe he also worked out. It wasn't a surprise that his brother was hot but he had never paid such closed attention to his body. 

  
It didn't take Zeke a long time to notice the way his little brother was staring at him and the realization made him feel fuzzy inside. He had always thought that his brother was very cute and now that he was letting his silky chestnut hair grow a bit longer he looked even prettier.

  
"What's wrong, Eren?" he asked since the other had stayed quiet since entering his home which was absolutely abnormal, much like his attraction to his younger brother.

  
Eren was startled by his question and looked at his brother's face trying to find the words to say. He was so different from Levi and yet, he still was very attractive.   
"Ehm bro can I ask you something?" Eren asked sheepishly, unsure of what he was actually going to ask 

  
"Of course, you can count on me for anything."

  
"A-anything?" His cheeks were getting pink and to his brother's eyes, he only looked more adorable, making his heart skip a beat.

  
Eren's own heart was starting to pound as well as he watched droplets of water fall from his brother's hair and travel down his pecs to his abs and into the towel, the only item of clothing covering his brother's body. Could that really be considered clothing, though? The Cambridge dictionary defined clothing as 'things you wear to cover your body". However, one could argue you could virtually use anything for such purposes, from pieces of paper to other human beings even! but Eren doubted most of those options would be considered pieces of clothing by most people.

  
With just a glance at Eren's expression Zeke could tell that whatever was disturbing his little brother was extremely important and he hoped he could help him in this time of need. In an attempt to make him feel more comfortable, Zeke cupped one of Eren's cheeks with his hand. "If you need help I'll do anything in my power to help you."

  
Their eyes met and Eren remembered that his brother didn't have any friends so how could he even know a whole bunch about dating?  
Eren sighed and lowered his gaze, his brother suddenly felt sad as if he had done something wrong but he had no idea what.

  
"Don't worry, I think I'll just go to the library."

  
"W-what do you mean?"

  
"I wanted to ask you dating advice but you're like... really lonely." Eren shrugged and then got up from the couch.

  
"I'm not that lonely, I have friends." Zeke replied, trying to defend himself. 

  
"I'm not sure about that but even if you did, I think I have a lot more than you."

  
It was true, Eren really did have many many friends and Zeke wasn't actually sure if he did have any or if they were just colleagues. 

  
"Eren..." if he wanted his brother to trust him, he needed to find the right words to say. "...friendship is not a competition. It's not about the quantity, it's about quality. Same with dating." Upon hearing those words Eren sat again. 

  
"Can you really help me?" His serious face made him even cuter and Zeke just wanted Eren to stay with him for longer.

  
"I'm pretty sure I can! Just ask away."

"Well, for a starter, the person I want to date is... a bit older."

Eren had Zeke's full attention now that he was starting to talk about his private life. He wanted to know everything about his little brother, especially when it came to his romantic interest. Whoever it was, one thing was sure for Zeke: they would never be good enough for Eren. 

"How much older?"

"I'm not sure..." the younger confessed with a shrug. "I haven't even talked to the guy before."

"Why do you want to date this specific person then?"

"Because he's hot! But not just that, he's also the coolest." Very strong arguments. Zeke had nothing to say to that. "Anyway, I'm not saying I'm not cool as well, you know? But he's just... so cool that it's kinda scary."

"But is he as cool as your big bro?"

"Way cooler!" Eren replied without having to take a second to think about his answer but afterwards he got shy again. "That's not the only problem... I never really kissed anyone before so even if I ask him out and he accepts going on a date with me I'm not sure of what to do when the kissing time comes."

"In that case... I could show you."

"Like watching you make out with your hand? Hard pass."

"No, not like that." his older brother laughed suspiciously. "If just looking at people kissing helped then you could just look at it on your computer. The best way to learn is by doing it."

"I think what you're implying is kinda weird." Eren replied, not very convinced

"Kissing your brother is not weird!" 

Upon hearing that a gasp escaped Eren's lips. He didn't know that was the implication. He had assumed Zeke wanted Eren to make out with his own hand while he'd give him tips and stuff.

Eren had to admit, he had thought that his brother was hot many times while growing up together but it had never crossed his mind to share his first kiss with him. Was it actually not weird? Basically, none of his friends had older brothers or any siblings at all so he had never heard of such things but why would Zeke lie to him?

"Are you sure about that?"

"Of course, just don't tell anyone about it."

"Sounds fair."

Following that Zeke cupped his little brother's cheeks with both of his hands to bring him closer. "It's not incest if it's instructional," he whispered seductively and Eren nodded. "Just keep your mouth a little opened and follow my lead." Eren obediently complied and Zeke pressed his lips against his brother's who wasn't quite sure of what to do. He closed his emerald eyes and imagined it was Levi who was kissing him, he felt his brother's tongue as it entered his buccal cavity and Eren let out a soft moan unsure of what to do next. Trying to imitate the other's actions, his hands searched blindly to touch the other's body but it was difficult to pretend that big muscly body was Levi's but he wasn't particularly mad about it. Their tongues were dancing the hokey pokey inside their oral cavities. Eren's tongue went in and out and shook it all about while tasting cigarettes and coffee, his brother's favorite meal. 

  
After twenty minutes, Eren wanted to ask when it was time to stop but couldn't properly talk with an extra tongue on his mouth that seemed to be reaching for his tonsils and Zeke assumed his attempts of formulating words were actually moans of pleasure which only turned him on further. For a moment he considered taking things to the next level but he knew Eren wouldn't be ready for that since this was his first kiss so he decided it was time to put an end to this passionate kissing.

"I'm sorry, Eren. We have to stop." Zeke said, ending the kiss and resting his forehead against his brother's.

  
"Oh, it's okay. It was starting to get boring anyway." The words felt like daggers to Zeke's heart but tried to think of that response as just casual teenage banter and not his real feelings.

"Haha, yeah..." Still cupping his brother's warm cheeks he used his thumbs to caress him, he didn't want to let his lovely brother go.

It was getting a little uncomfortable to be so close to Zeke after exchanging saliva, plus Eren was getting hungry for something more feeling than tongue but he couldn't find the correct words, besides he still had some dating questions. While dwelling in his thoughts Eren noticed one of the couch's pillows was now placed on his brother's lap and he wondered how it had gotten there but before asking that there was something else he had to ask first.

"Zeke, there's something else I wanted to ask you..." His older brother felt weirdly hopeful as he heard those words.

"Do you want to learn about handjobs?"

"No, not today, Satan" Eren replied, shaking his head softly. "I'm not sure what's the best way to ask this guy out. I just... I don't think I could "

"Don't worry about that, Eren. I'm sure he'll say yes." After all, if he straight-up rejected him this story wouldn't be tagged as Levi/Eren, unless I wanted to click-bait y'all with the most popular ship in the entire fandom but I'm not that kind of bitch. I'm just the kind of bitch that writes horrible stuff for fun and maybe some validation too because my parents always made me feel like I wasn't enough even if I tried my best so now I'm trying my worst in hopes that is enough. Going back to the story (because I'm sure you're dying to know how this plot continues), Eren felt kind of content upon hearing that but not too much because his brother didn't really know who Eren was talking about and even if he did, that didn't mean he actually knew the truth of what was going to happen. Who could even tell? Eren didn't believe in mediums and those people who claimed to see the future because if anyone was able to do that it meant their whole lives and actions were already written, meaning nobody actually had free will of their own even if they thought they did and what a horrible fucking world would that be. A world with no freedom, anything you thought was in your power was actually decided by some sort of omnipotent force. Like a sim trapped in a tiny room with nothing but lit fireplaces, acting like it had a posibility of surviving the flames that would soon consume them.

"Okay, bye!" Said Eren before leaving Zeke's apartment. He had forgotten about the other questions he had, he was too busy thinking about which expansion packs to get once he arrived home since he had suddenly felt the urge to play the sims. Maybe he could make a Levi sim and an Eren sim, they would date and kiss and woo-hoo under the bed covers and anywhere else the programmers allowed them too. All woo-hooing looked the same but it was still kinda hot to Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm extremely sorry but also not sorry as long as anything of this monstrosity got a laugh out of you


	2. Break the Ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're having a bad day I hope it gets better. Maybe don't read this or it'll get worse, or maybe do read it and hopefully, it'll make you laugh a bit or help you get distracted from whatever is bothering you! You can let me know how it made you feel

Sadly, Eren wasn't able to afford all the expansion packs he wanted because he was a simple student and that shit was unnecessarily expensive. On the bright side, custom content was free and thanks to that he was able to make the sim versions of him and Levi true to life. He observed the behavior of his pair of sims and studied it, hoping he'd learn something from it since he wasn't entirely sure if his brother's lessons would be enough for such a task. Sure, it had been kinda fun to touch tongues with him but that wasn't all there was in a relationship. Before kissing you had to interact with the other person in other ways, joking about penguins or politicians seemed to work in the sim universe so why wouldn't that be good enough for him and Levi? The new issue to solve was that Eren wasn't particularly knowledgeable in politics nor penguins to make a mockery out of them in order to impress his darling janitor. It seemed he would have to resort to heartfelt compliments and discussing interests.

  
"Eren, what's wrong?" said his roommate and best friend, Armin, all of a sudden. "You've been playing the sims 4 and sighing dramatically every ten minutes since you got home."

  
"Oh, it's nothing really..." expressed Eren without looking away from the screen where he was living his dreams and darkest fantasies. "Just that my love life is at risk of ending without even starting, that's all. You know, no biggie..."

  
"Come one..." commented Armin, putting his book down. "I know Mikasa once said she'd break the legs of anyone who dared to date you but she didn't mean it like that. She went to therapy and learned how to manifest her weird obsession with you in a healthy way months ago, don't you remember? We all went out to Burger King to celebrate that."

  
"I know, I know," Eren remarked, finally looking at his nerdy best friend. "It's not about her. It's about me and the love of my life."

  
"You have a boyfriend and you didn't tell me?!" Armin exclaimed

  
"No! That's the problem..." verbalized Eren.

  
"So you're sad because you don't have a boyfriend?" Armin suggested.

  
"Kinda..." muttered Eren.

  
"Eren, you don't need a boyfriend to be happy," explained Armin. "I know media makes us feel like we can't be whole without having some sort of romantic partner but that couldn't be further from the truth! Your happiness cannot depend on someone else like that."

  
"You really are smart, Armin..." Eren disclosed. "I still want a boyfriend, though, is that so bad?"

  
"Hm, I guess it's not bad per se..." declared Armin.

  
"There's just a boy I really really really like and I want to ask him out so we can have a romantic date on Valentine's day." revealed Eren

  
"Oh, you mean that janitor you always follow?" inquired Armin

"How did you know?" Eren gasped

"Well, it's not like you're a secret agent on a mission when you spy on him." Armin opined, to Eren's horror.

"I thought no one knew about my secret crush." Eren postulated

"It's just a crush, not secret at all." stated Armin, going back to his book now that he knew Eren's problems weren't so serious as he had initially feared.

  
"Alright, you don't need to give me that attitude." Eren asserted

  
"Yeah, sorry.." Armin murmured

  
"Fine." Eren conceded before going back to his game. 

  
Poor sim Eren was getting very hungry because he forgot to put the game on pause while talking to his friend and now Levi was almost pissing himself. He'd make an Armin sim and torture him as revenge for distracting him like that. Their little talk hadn't helped him at all with his painful dilemma. Only the sims could help him, he just had to go and talk to Levi like his sim had done! A couple of friendly interactions and then jump to the romantic stuff. It'd have to be the next day because he was getting kind of tired. Besides, he didn't know where to find Levi outside of the campus, and by that time of the day he doubted he'd be able to enter and come across him.

  
That night Eren dream about kissing Levi but when he opened his eyes after a long passionate making out session he saw his brother instead. It was kind of weird and they still kissed some more but then he was suddenly at Burger King with his friends celebrating Mikasa's birthday or something like that, it was pretty mundane except everyone spoke simslish but for some reason, Eren could understand them as if they spoke normally! That was kinda crazy. He had a dream journal where he wanted to write that down once he woke up to psychoanalyze himself later but he forgot to do so because he really wanted to pee when he woke up. Just like the sims when left unsupervised! That was kinda crazy. Eren had to tell someone about it but he forgot 'cause he was late for class and he really wanted to talk to Levi that day.

  
It's now or never, Eren said to himself in the morning when he arrived at the campus. He only had to find Levi and that was easy, he only had to follow the path of cleanliness he left behind wherever he passed. No one else cleaned like him, what a man. If Levi wasn't husband material he didn't know how a husband was supposed to be like.

  
Once he found the man of his dreams, the next step was introducing himself. Just a friendly introduction, how hard could it be?

  
Levi was mopping the floor, someone had spilled some soup in the halls. Or maybe someone had vomited but Eren couldn't tell because his allergies had his nose completely clogged and he couldn't smell anything.

  
"Hi, I'm Eren Jaeger!" 

The halls were completely silent as Levi didn't reply and continue doing his job.

For a moment, Eren wondered if he had done it wrong but before he could attempt to introduce himself again Levi lifted his gaze. Those beautiful dirt gray eyes were on him, Eren's heart was pounding extremely hard on his poor virgin chest. 

  
"Did you just talk to _me_?" Said Levi removing one of his earbuds as he noticed the figure next to him didn't move and there wasn't anyone else around but him and the weird.

  
"Y-yes! I'm Eren Jaeger." Eren blurted out once again in hopes this new introduction would be more effective than the last even tho he had said the same thing in a slightly different tone.

  
"Hm, okay..." the janitor kept mopping since the student didn't seem to have anything important to say to him. 

  
"You're like... _really_ good at cleaning." Heartfelt compliment after introduction. That had to work, right?

  
"Sure, kid..." Levi replied mindlessly without paying much attention to Eren. What did he even want? Probably another student had dared him to talk to Levi, most people there were scared of him since some nasty rumors about his past were spread amongst students and even some professors at this university. Levi didn't particularly mind because if people were scared of him it meant they wouldn't talk to him and he wasn't there to make friends, only to clean.

  
" _Kid...?_ " Eren said in a quiet voice as his heart fluttered. He couldn't believe the love of his life already had called him by a cute pet name. He had barely started with the friendly interactions but Levi's levels of charisma allowed him to go beyond what Eren was prepared for. Wow, how could he even respond to that now? Should he try to go for another heartfelt compliment or straight-up flirt? Eren was feeling hot in the face. "You have... such a strong grip on that mop."

  
"Uh-hm. Could you just move, brat? I don't want you to step on this vomit and leave the hall full of nasty footsteps." 

  
Were Eren's ears fucking with him? Did he hear correctly? Was Levi Mr. Clean Rivaille Fucking Ackerman showing concern for him? This was surpassing Eren's wildest expectations.

  
"O-of course." Replied Eren with burning red cheeks, taking one step back to allow his future husband to clean the hallway to his heart's desire. "Hey... there's something I've been meaning to ask."

  
Why was he still there? Why was he still talking? Levi had to pause the podcast he was listening to about the top ten biggest misconceptions about cleaning products in case there was something actually serious going on. Was someone stabbed in the teacher's lounge _again_ and they needed him to clean the crime scene before the cops came? 

  
"What's going on? Just spit it and go, I don't have all day."

  
"A-ah... Well," the rough way Levi was talking to him was awaking something in him but there wasn't time to analyze that now, this was his chance. "Levi-san,, could you go out with me on Valentine's Day?"

  
"Huh?" the janitor saw some tears forming on the corner of the student's eyes before he even gave him an answer. This was bad. Very extremely no good bad. When his uncle had arranged with his sugar daddy that Levi would work at the Reiss University he had clearly said that he couldn't make any of the students cry. If the teachers were babies who couldn't take a little bit of rough talk that was their problem, but if he made a single student cry he would be fired and Levi couldn't allow himself to lose this job. His resting bitch face syndrome never got him hired, which was kind of ableist. No matter how well the job interviews went in his mind, no one could hire someone who looked at you like they are planning your dead which in some cases was actually what was going on in Levi's brain but it was just cathartic, he didn't have the intention of killing anybody but they never listened to him when he tried to explain it. And now, after he finally was getting paid to clean, he was at risk of losing everything because this weird brat was in front of him asking to go on a date. "I don't get it... you are saying you want to go on a date with me? On fucking Valentine's day?" Eren nodded timidly. "So... if I say no you'll cry like a little bitch?" Again, the brunet nodded his little bitch head timidly. Levi sighed. "Fine... whatever. It's not like I had plans to go anywhere on the worst day of the year to go out."

  
The student couldn't believe his ears. Did he get it? Was his dream becoming true? Without even using cheats? Was he going to go on a date with the hottest janitor ever? Tears of happiness were threatening to fall from his eyes but he knew his future husband didn't want him to bitch cry so he had to force his green eyes not to juice which resulted in him looking extremely strange in his attempt to not let the tears fall.

  
"You're weird as hell, brat." Levi sighed in total defeat but to Eren, he looked endearing as ever and all he wanted was to hug him but first, there was something else.

  
Eren took his phone out of his backpack and handed it to Levi while trying to formulate a sentence. His brain couldn't handle such happiness. "Y-your ca-an I n...number?"

  
"You want my number?" The janitor asked, raising an eyebrow. "I guess I have to if we're gonna go out. Just don't share it with your weird-ass friends and don't blow up my phone with stupid shit, okay?" Quickly he added his number to Eren's contacts and handed it back. "Now go to your class or something and let me clean this mess."

  
Blissfully, Eren grabbed his phone back and did as he was told. God, he definitely was a fucking sub, wasn't he? At least with Levi, he couldn't imagine taking anyone else's orders. 

  
He couldn't wait until he told all his friends about this! They would be so jealous to know he was gonna go on a date with Levi Andrien Rivaille Montenegro del Rosedal Ackerman, better known as the janitor, better known as Levi.


	3. Boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for the angstiest chapter yet
> 
> There's so much drama...

"Who the hell is Levi?" asked his classmate Connie, sticking his pinky finger inside his ear like the dumb characters in anime do to show the viewers they are, in fact, dumb.

  
"What do you mean?!" exclaimed Eren, taking that comment very personally.

  
"Wait, isn't that the janitor you've been stalking?" interjected their horse looking pal, looking incredulous as ever but he was probably jealous because he did not have a date.

  
"Are you telling me you asked a janitor to go on a date with you?" said Sasha laughing.

  
Everyone started talking and sharing their opinions on Eren's questionable live choices until the history professor had to tell them to keep it quiet or sharing it for the whole class, which wasn't the best thing to suggest because it prompted Mikasa to stand up and announce to the rest of the students that Eren had just asked her cousin, the janitor, out on a date so now it wasn't just that small group of people who were murmuring but the entire class was judging Eren's taste in mens.

  
"Quiet, please." Mr. Smith's voice was loud and clear and had an immediate effect. "We can all discuss Eren's love life after class, alright?" Eren tried to complain but his professor was having none of it. In fact, he looked uncharacteristically sad at that moment, Eren wondered if something bad had happened to mr. Smith that day and decided not to bitch anymore. 

  
Unbeknownst to him, it was Eren in fact who had just ruined the professor's day. Poor Erwin had to turn around and attempted to write the subject of the day on the board without letting his students see the masculine tears rolling down his face. He couldn't let them see him like that, he had to teach them but how? How could he share his infinite history knowledge when he had barely had time to process the fact the man he loved in secret was going to go on a date with someone other than him and on the most romantic day of the year, no less?

After a brief chat about the French revolution, Erwin opened a drawer in his desk to grab a bottle of whiskey. He popped the cap and took a sip directly from it, promptly sobbing uncontrollably in front of very confused students. How could this be possible? Had all of his very subtle advances been way too subtle for his loved one to notice? Was this romance meant to fail from the very start? All these questions tortured the professor as he continued to sob, now sitting under his desk, away from the curious gazes of the class who still could very much listen to him.

  
"Should we do something about it? Maybe call someone else?" wondered Historia and Ymir wrapped her arm around her in a reassuring way.

  
"Nah, let him be." 

  
Everyone agreed with Ymir.

  
Meanwhile, in another classroom...

"Pock said we should let you be but since you started sobbing under your desk after receiving a text I supposed you just got some bad news and thought maybe I should check what's going on." said a short black haired girl to his fellow classmate, Zeke, who was crying inconsolably while trying to hide from everyone else. She handed him a tissue; her name was Pieck Finger but given that's a terrible last name, we will never ever again address her by her full name.

  
"You being exactly right every single time stopped being funny the last semester and now it just hurts me." replied Zeke before loudly blowing his nose.

  
"So... what happened? Do you wanna talk about it?" 

  
"Yeah, did a family member die or something?" asked another one of his classmates, the one Pieck referred to as Pock much to his annoyance but that was kind of better than when people used his real name, Porco. It wasn't the most graceful of names but at least his last name wasn't Finger.

  
"Oh, I wish..." began Zeke as he got back on his seat. "Sorry, I just needed a moment to be dramatic but I'm fine now." his classmates continue to stare at him with questioning eyes. "Ah, yeah, about the text... no, no one died and nothing bad happened. It's just that my little brother asked someone out and they said yes, this will be his first date."

  
"I see! It must be hard for you as an older brother to see him grow." Pieck replied with a soft smile on her beautiful face.

  
"Something like that..." What actually hurt Zeke the most was the fact that he wasn't his brother's first. He had managed to be his first kiss but he also wanted to be his first date, among other more inappropriate sinful firsts.  
"You should be happy your little brother trusts you enough to tell you about such things, though!" Pieck tried to encourage him and make him feel better even though she didn't like her classmate very much but she was an angel and didn't discriminate against nasty people.

  
"I guess..." Pieck was right about that. Why was she always right? It was beginning to give him a headache. Zeke had to find out who was this person his little brother considered so damn hot and cool, but what was he going to do once he found out? Should he punch them in the face and tell them to stay away? Should he try to learn from them? Should he kidnap them? Maybe he could kidnap Eren, lock him in his basement and never let him go, that way no one else would date him. Oh, if he only had a basement... "Hm, that'd be way too complicated though. I'd have to make sure to feed him every day and stuff."

  
"What are you talking about now?" questioned Porco, giving him a weird look.

  
"Did I think that or say that out loud? Haha, don't mind me."

  
"Are you thinking about getting a pet? I was thinking about getting a cat once we're done with exams." 

  
The other classmates started to ask Pieck questions about her future cat and Zeke's dramatic outburst was quickly forgotten, which was probably for the best because he didn't feel like answering more questions about his weird feelings for his younger brother and, realistically, no one actually wanted to hear about that sort of stuff anyway.

  
What should be his course of action now? After carefully pondering it for two seconds, Zeke decided the best thing he could do was to follow his brother around the campus. Eren had mentioned it was someone there, so it meant his greatest rival was on the same building he was.

* * *

  
That afternoon, Eren waited until he was home to text his beloved. He didn't want to interrupt him at work (and was sure he'd be too focused on cleaning to respond to texts, his darling was so responsible).

  
[Eren]: H-hi Levi-kun (> /// <)  
I-it's me.. E-Eren

  
[Levi]: why are you stammering via text

  
[Eren]: S-sorry!! I just wanted to say hi (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)

  
There were approximately forty-five minutes of silently staring at his phone before Eren decided to stop waiting and sending another text. He didn't have anything, in particular, he wanted to talk about with Levi, he only knew he wanted to talk to him but had to be careful. Kawaii approach didn't seem to work. Levi had told him not to blow up his phone; plus Eren was slightly scared of saying something that put his Valentine's day date at risk.

  
[Eren]: So how was your day? 

  
[Levi]: Regular I guess

  
[Eren]: Something interesting to clean?

  
[Levi]:Uh I don't think so

  
Before he could text something else, there was a weird sound coming from the living room that caught Eren's attention. Armin was crying! He could text the love of his life later. Bros before hoes, unless things were getting spicy because in that case, his friend would understand.

  
Upon opening his door he found his twink friend sobbing on the couch, pressing a pillow to his face, probably to suffocate himself with was a very ineffective way to end your life if that's what you want to do which is never a good idea anyway.

  
"Armin, what's wrong?" 

  
Eren sat next to Armin and tried to give him a comforting hug and it was very well received. The sadness in his sapphire eyes was unmistakable sadness.

"We have to move out!"

"What do you mean?!" Eren exclaimed, very confused and worried. Now it wasn't just concern about his friend but also his living situation. 

"I don't know what happened..." the twink sobbed. "but like half of my sugar daddies said they had to drop me all of a sudden... I cannot afford the rent like this, Eren"

"You had a sugar daddy?!" 

" _Daddies_ , Eren. Please pay attention, this is serious. You have to find a new place to live..."

  
"You had _several_ sugar daddies?!"

"Bitch, how do you think we could afford this place before? You don't work." 

  
Armin had a point. It was true he hadn't work a day in this life and his father was only paying for his education and had told him anything else like food or rent was something he had to figure out himself like a real adult so he asked Zeke for money from time to time, but Armin was the one providing most for both of them. He had never asked him about how he did it because it didn't seem important at the time.

"Wait, you said I had to find a new place to live. What about you?"

"I still have some daddies left and one of them is going on a business trip and told me I can stay at his place for the time being but I cannot bring you there with me. I'm gonna miss living with my best friend..." There were many things about living with Eren that he wouldn't miss at all but he wasn't about the tell him that, maybe later.

"I see... damn. Well, it's okay, don't worry about me..."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I think I know exactly what to do...."

Once his friend was a little bit calmer, both of them when to their respective rooms. Armin was gonna start packing and Eren picked up his phone.

[Eren]: Hey... I can't pay rent this month and I don't know what to do

but since we're dating now I thought maybe

I could go live with you?

  
[Levi]: What the hell?

[Eren]: Haha I was just joking...

unless?

[Levi]: ...

  
Well, damn. NOW he was screwed...

_Unless..._

Suddenly, his phone lit up again. He had received another text and his heart skipped a bit. Was his love taking back his words and opening up the doors of his house to him?

  
[Mikasa]: Armin told me about the rent.   
I know you'll probably expect me to help and I'd love to  
but I promised Annie and Sasha you cannot and will not come live with us.   
Sorry.

  
Godammit, not even Mikasa was going to open the doors of her house to him? She was helping him a lot less since she got two girlfriends. 

His dad was definitely not going to help him either...

Eren let out a defeated sigh. It seemed it was time for him to stop depending on his friends and to become a responsible adult.

  
By the end of the month, both friends had to go on their separate paths... though they'd still see each other at class and stuff. Eren was now standing in front of the doors of his new home with all his stuff carefully packed on a couple of medium-sized suitcases, he didn't own a lot of stuff and didn't care much about material goods but Armin losing his daddies had opened his big emerald eyes, including the third one but he still had a hard time controlling the powers that had awaken that day and it kinda gave him a headache from time to time. You couldn't get everything in life for free and if you wanted a roof over your head with running water, electricity, food and wifi, you had to work, bitch. That's why he now had a new place to call his home. He had decided to follow in Armin's footsteps and sell his company to wealthy gross men who wanted it in exchange for money, goods, and services. Except he didn't have several sugar daddies like his friend who was a pro. He only had one and it wasn't even a sugar daddy, it was more like a stevia brother which was definitely worse and the sweetness just felt wrong and like a very poor replacement for sugar.

  
"Eren! I'm so glad you decided to move in with your older brother!"

  
Zeke welcomed Eren to his home with a big hug, he was clearly very excited about spending more time with him and there was nothing he loved more than to provide for Eren and make him happy in any way he could. He hadn't been Eren's first, second, or even tenth option, but it had been the only one who accepted having him for free. For some reason though, he assumed he was the first person Eren went for help and he wasn't going to correct him if living in a lie made him happy. All that mattered was that he had a new place to stay and he didn't need to get a real job either.


	4. Trouble For Me

It didn't take Eren long to feel at home. He even had his own room! At first, he feared he'd have to sleep on the couch -or with his brother- but apparently, Zeke's roommates moved out shortly after he asked him if he could live with him. The truth was that his brother had threatened to kill them in order to make them leave as quickly as possible, no questions asked and as everyone knows, violence is always the answer to everything. Eren didn't know this was the truth, of course, but he had some suspicions.

  
"Are you sure everything will be okay? I mean, can you really pay for rent and everything on your own?"

  
"Sure! Your big brother can do _anything_." Zeke was getting way too comfortable with giving Eren big hugs all the time but they were never reciprocated. "Do you want something to drink, or a snack?"

  
"No, it's okay..." Eren stared at his brother as he went to the kitchen to get something for himself. "I have to know, though. How do you pay for all this stuff?"

  
"Oh..." His brother let out a laugh that sounded quite sinister as he was pouring himself a glass of some liquor that seemed expensive. "Don't ask me about my business, Eren."

  
"Whatever..." Eren rolled his eyes. His brother probably had an onlyfans for foot fetishists or something weird like that. Had it been something regular or to be proud of, he knew Zeke would brag about it so if he was avoiding talking about it, it meant Eren didn't want to know. 

Without saying anything else, the younger sibling went to his bedroom and closed the door behind him before opening his laptop to play with his sims. Dates were so complicated, there were so many things you could do! The important thing was to interact with your date and Eren was very excited about that. They could just talk about anything, joke about whatever, he could simply blow kisses at Levi because all types of interaction counted to finish that main goal. The bad thing about the sims was that he couldn't learn more about Levi through them, only about the basic laws of human interaction.

  
He had been good enough about not bothering Levi via text too much, in his opinion their relationship was doing great but his beloved wasn't the talkative type and Eren just wanted to know more and more about him! If they were going to get married one day, they had to know each other, right? It wasn't just about filling that romantic bar, the friendship bar had to be filled as well for a successful marriage in the sims. There were moments in their text conversation where Eren asked little things about his personal life but Levi usually avoided giving straight answers, he didn't give any gay answers either, he just wouldn't answer at all when it came to his personal life.

  
After having a successful sim date Eren closed the game, it was time to try and talk with the real Levi. He was lying on his bed, feeling extremely confident after winning the gold medal. At this point, he should be an expert on building relationships and dating.

  
"Ack!"

  
The phone fell on his face as he was trying to text. Maybe it was better to sit so he changed positions.

  
[Eren]: Hey, what's your favorite restaurant?

  
Hm, was that perhaps too direct? If Levi realized he still hadn't planned their super special romantic date, would he think he didn't care? 

  
[Eren]: Just curious haha  
it's not like I don't know where to go on our date or anything

[Levi]: You still haven't made reservations? 

[Levi]: If you wanted to go to a restaurant then you're fucked brat

Eren's heart was pounding like something hitting really hard against another thing

[Eren]: W-what do you mean?

  
Oh god was Levi really coming onto him? Was Eren ready to be deflowered? A part of him had dreamed of being the one doing the fucking but if Levi wanted to do it to him, he wouldn't be opposed.

[Levi]: Are you serious? Valentine's day is less than a week away  
Every single restaurant is going to be fully booked  
Also, stop "stammering" via text

His beating heart stopped suddenly just like something that stops all of a sudden. Had this been a serious oversight on his part?

  
[Eren]: Hahaha   
Sorry  
No haha  
don't worry  
I do have a table booked  
at the most romantic restaurant in town  
You'll see haha

  
[Levi]: Sure, kid  
Don't do anything stupid

  
Well, fuck. That meant 90% of his plans were off the table now if he listened to Levi, and he didn't want to disappoint his love. 

  
Meanwhile, Levi was struggling to know if he should end that conversation there or not. His pale fingers were hovering over the phone as he contemplated adding a reassuring _I don't mind if we don't go to a restaurant_. In the end, he did text that which was very true, in fact, he'd prefer it that way. Unlike most of his texts to this brat, this one didn't get the blue check marks that indicated the other person had seen your text which meant that Eren Jaeger had probably gone to go something stupid anyway, leaving his phone behind. It was none of Levi's problems now. He had tried to do his part.

* * *

  
"Armin! I need your help!" the young lad with emerald orbits yelled as he opened the door to the living room. There he found a blond bitch reading a book, but it wasn't _his_ blond bitch.

  
"Eren, you're no longer living with Armin." his brother told him as if he hadn't noticed upon seeing him. "I can help you though! Do you need more make out practice?"

  
"No, maybe later. I have other problems now." 

  
Eren was wearing: yellow boxers, fishnet stockings, jjorts (Jean jean shorts (denim shorts stolen from Jean)), highlighter-pink sneakers, a lavender t-shirt that said 'baby wants suckie' in black letters, a black leather jacket and he brushed his hair, keeping hair strands from falling on his face with a cat-ear headband. His mother once had told him to get a dress for what he wanted to be and what he wanted was to be successful in the love world but specifically with Levi. No one had ever taught him how you dress for such an occasion though.

  
His friend was now staying at a very luxurious apartment he wished he could also stay at. Armin regularly texted him and their friend chatgroup because he got quite boring being all alone whenever he got tired of just reading, he could invite some friend from time to time but one of the conditions his sugar daddy nº7 had for him staying there was that no other guy could sleep there so Eren couldn't call that place home even if he could spend most of the day in the company of his blond nerdy twink pal. However, Armin was pretty happy about not having to pay any rent, especially after half his daddies had cut ties with him. The whole thing was pretty weird to Eren, he couldn't understand why they would do that all of a sudden _and_ at the same time! It was like it was just a strange thing, like one of those plot twists in shows that come out of nowhere just because it's convenient to the story or because the writers took a somewhat bad decision for the story that then they had to fix but couldn't find an organic way to do it. Anyway, as long as his friend was happy and Eren didn't have to pay for his own rent and food, Eren was happy.

  
At the time being, Armin was chilling and playing Beast Intersection but he wasn't surprised by the incomprehensible yelling and banging at the door. With a small sigh, the twink paused his game to go let his hysteric former roommate enter. Eren was almost crying but trying to hold the tears back while attempting to explain himself. Armin didn't need to understand what he was trying himself, he already knew what was wrong. After all, he knew Eren better than most if not everyone! Using his powerful brain cells and acquired knowledge, Armin had predicted what would have happened to his poor bitch ass friend. 

  
"I know, Eren. Calm down." He made Eren sit on the couch and gave him a nice mug with hot chocolate he had prepared for the moment. Not for Eren, his prediction wasn't so specific that he knew Eren would come to visit him at that precise moment, he had prepared it for himself to enjoy. "I know. You got so caught up in the moment, so excited to have a date with that weird janitor you like and having his number that you completely forgot about the fact that if you wanted to go out to eat with him you had to make reservations at a restaurant and most places are booked weeks if not months before Valentine's day since lots of people seem to think this day is special and that they need to go out with their beloved as if that was the peak of romance and they had no other way of showing love."

  
"Yeah... I guess!" Eren replied with snot hanging from his nose as tears were getting almost impossible to hold. "B-but what am I supposed to do, Armin? I really want to impress him."

  
"Did you even listened to the last part of what I said? Ugh, of course, you did but you didn't bother to process it. A date isn't just going to a restaurant, Eren!"

  
"But what else can I do to impress him? I can't invite him to my brother's apartment to eat, my cooking is mediocre at best and Zeke is probably going to creep on us 'cause he doesn't have any plans for the most romantic day of the year."

  
"I know, but there are a million other things you could do, not just eating... Whatever," Armin shook his head reluctantly. This was Eren's first date in his life and anything that required more thinking and planning than going to a restaurant would probably be too much for his head and heart. "I have the solution. I have the booking you need."

  
Eren's eyes immediately shone upon hearing such amazing news. How could this be even possible? Armin truly was a genius.

  
"I was meant to go out with daddy nº 7 but he's not here. He told me I could still go with whoever I wanted and I kinda hate going out on Valentine's day so I was thinking of giving it to you and janitor-kun."

  
"Are you for real? You're the best!" he gave his friend a big hug which Armin was happy to receive. However, there was sadness in his eyes.

Perhaps... this wasn't the right moment to tell Eren what was on his mind, to confess the truth he had been withholding from him. Armin didn't want to potentially ruin his friend's current happiness but at the same time, his friend had the right to know...

  
"Eren... there's something I have to tell you." the serious tone in his friend's voice kinda scared Eren but what could be wrong? He had a table booked for Levi and him for their perfect first date so what could ruin this? "It's about my daddies cutting me off... I know what happened. And it has to do with you"

Eren gasped in German.

  
"How? I didn't even know you had so many sugar daddies until you told me we had to move out!"

  
"Well, it's not like it's _your fault_. It's just... I tried to talk to them to find out what had happened because it was super weird and none of them wanted to even talk to me... then Mikasa helped me, she went to daddy nº5 house and broke his arm to make him talk. Apparently, they were all threatened to cut all ties with me."

"omg? wtf?"

"Please talk like a normal person."

"Sorry, I was just too shooketh, please continue."

"As I was saying... they were threatened by your brother."

  
The brunet couldn't believe his ears. Why would Zeke do such a thing? Messing up with people's income like that was beyond fucked up but he knew his best friend wouldn't lie to him like that. Besides, he'd always be on team Armin before ever being on Zeke's side. He'd have a serious talk with his brother when he went back to his apartment but first, he had to play some video games with his favorite blond bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a selfish request but I'd love to hear any theories regarding Zeke's profession if any of you feel inclined to share your thoughts.
> 
> I already have an idea of how he had money even though I don't really need to create a background for this kind of fic but I also have the background for their parents even tho I'm not even sure if they're ever going to show up but for some reason, the whole universe of this fic has already been established in my brain, which is a gift and also a curse...


	5. Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This a very long and complex chapter in which Eren has to finally confront his brother, his very own family, the blood of his blood, the one who day and night watches over him and cares for his well-being, the one who saw him grow from his birth, his very first kiss and make out session. How will Eren do such a thing? Who could have ever imagined that it'd end like this, two brothers against each other, and for what? What has society done to these poor people? Why must the world be like this? Wasn't Zeke supposed to love him? Why would he do something so aggravating to his best friend? Eren doesn't know, he's conflicted, he's in pain... he was answers but most of all, he wants revenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A personal fave, probably the most fun chapter to write

Eren entered the apartment and punched his brother right on his bitch ass bearded face without saying a word

just fucking decked Zeke making him fall to the floor

  
That's it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry but also no  
> next chapter tomorrow lol


	6. Hot as Ice

After receiving such a strong punch, Zeke's body fell dramatically on the floor. Why would his brother hit him like that so out of the blue? He really wasn't expecting that and despite being such a lazy parasite, he had to admit his brother was quite strong.  


"E-Eren?" Zeke uttered with a flustered look on his face. He was strangely aroused, as strangely as every single time he got hard for his own brother.

  
"How could you?!" Eren yelled, their neighbors could easily hear him and some were in fact, getting closer to the walls to find out more about the drama that was just unfolding as all neighbors do. However, they could not see that there were tears forming on the corners of Eren's eyes and that wasn't any better to help with Zeke's _situation_.

  
"I can explain!" 

  
"Spill it, then!"

  
"So, there's this concept known as genetic sexual attraction, right? I know it's just regarded as pseudoscience but there are many cases of blood relatives developing feelings when they meet as adults."

  
"What the hell are you talking about?"

  
"... the hell are _you_ talking about?"

  
"What did Armin ever do to you? Why did you have to mess up with his income?

  
"Oh... about that."

  
Zeke felt a bit relieved that his brother's concern was about those issues but now he had to make up a lie that wasn't in any way related to the fact he wanted his brother to live with him and he had to do it quickly. Thankfully, he was a master manipulator.

  
"It's just... I fucking hate your friend."

  
"Why?!" Eren couldn't understand. Had his friend ever done something to Zeke that he didn't know about? What there any beef between the two blonds in his life?

  
"He's... a bad influence on you, Eren. I know you can't see it because you two are friends but... he just sucks."

  
"What the hell, Zeke?" that wasn't the reaction Zeke expected, he thought Eren would just agree and they could hug it out but there were clearly some miscalculations to his plan he'd have to work on. "If you have a problem like that just come talk to me about it but don't mess up his business." That was surprisingly mature coming from him, Zeke was very proud of his little brother.

  
"I'm so sorry, little brother," said Zeke, feeling tears forming in his eyes. "You're right, you're so right. I promise I won't ruin any of your friend's jobs again."

  
"Alright... I believe you."

  
Zeke held out his arms to his brother, still hopeful for a hug but Eren straight up went to his room without saying another word. He believed him, at least. Still, he was sad because he knew Eren was mad at him for what he had done. 

For the next hour and a half, Zeke remained on the floor quietly sobbing to himself since he needed a moment to be dramatic even if no one could see him. The neighbors could hear his quiet sobs. He then took a cold shower and after that, he decided that he shouldn't worry about Armin anymore, he was the one Eren was depending on monetarily, and hopefully, Armin would enjoy not having to pay for Eren's things anymore and wouldn't do it in the future again. The only person getting in the way of his happiness was _that janitor_...

  
In the previous weeks, Zeke had been following Eren around campus, who in turn was following his archnemesis, the one Eren called the love of his life and who was better known around the university as The Janitor™. After some meticulous investigation and asking around, he discovered his real name as Levi Rivaille Dankworth Ackerman MacGee. Most people agreed that he was a spy working for some shady people or a former member of the yakuza despite the fact he wasn't Japanese and they weren't in Japan. A few others believed he was a hitman or maybe just a grumpy old man but one thing was for certain and it was the fact that no one had anything good to say about mister MacGee. From the very beginning, Zeke suspected that this hot individual wasn't good for his precious hot brother, but after digging more about him, these suspicions just became facts. The question now was... what was he supposed to do? In his attempt to put distance between Eren and Armin, he had made his brother mad so... if anything happened now maybe his brother would hate him.

So far, he had no idea if this Rivaille guy was interested in Eren but... how could he not? His brother was hella fine. His brother was thiccer than a bowl of oatmeal. His brother be lookin like a straight up S N A C C all day every day. Damn, his brother was so fucking hot. He couldn't let that weird short guy put his gross gloved janitor hands on his little brother. He had to intervene and he knew exactly what he had to do. There was only one person even hotter than Eren and he was going to make sure that the janitor fell for them. 

_Zeke was going to seduce the janitor._

  
The next morning, Zeke skipped classes. He actually didn't even need to study since he'd already gotten his diploma a couple of years ago but he went to the university to have a chance of being closer to Eren. Most of his sources -if not all- had agreed that the janitor was extremely unapproachable so seducing him wouldn't be an easy task. Not for a regular person at least, but he had the advantage of being incredibly hot and the most smartest. Eren had managed to make this Levi guy go on a date with him so if his little brother could do that, then Zeke shouldn't have any problem approaching him making him fall in love with him for eternity.

  
He grabbed a coffee and one of his multiple copies of Matilda by Roald Dahl (that only people with extremely high IQ read) then he proceeded to spill the drink on the floor and started reading while looking hot af, waiting for the janitor to appear to clean the mess. It didn't take long until he heard a long sigh from the other side of the hallway.

  
"Can't these brats drink their shitty drinks properly?" It was indeed the janitor, Rivaille Michel Da Vinky Ackerman Jones. The tiny man huffed and rolled a bucket with water with him to clean the spilled coffee near Zeke. The janitor was very different from his brother, he was short and he was with a constant frown on his face, his eyes were grey like grey clouds and rather small, his hair was cut in a very not stylish style and was dark as the screen of a phone that had run out of battery. However, he was kinda cute.

  
Zeke had to shake his head to get rid of those thoughts. He wasn't there to pick up cute guys, he was there on a mission. His little brother was in danger of falling with the wrong person and Zeke had to put a distance on that potential relationship before it even started.

  
"Hi there," the blond said casually but the other didn't reply, just glanced at him from the corner of his eye, making Zeke's cheeks turn red. "Do you come here often?"

  
Upon hearing such a question the janitor stopped cleaning and looked at him directly.

  
"What the fuck do you want?"

  
Oh damn, he wasn't ready for such a response.

  
"Me? Haha... What do _you_ want?"  


"Ugh, are you another one of those students dared to talk to me or something stupid like that?" Levi just kept mopping the floor. Zeke felt a little bit relieved now that those cold eyes weren't on him. His gaze was so intense, it made him felt tingly kind of like when his brother punched him the previous day.  


  
"Uhm... no, one dared me... does that happen often?" The janitor didn't offer a reply to that. Zeke guessed it probably happened quite a lot considering the rumors about him. "I just..." he cleared his throat. "You're like... really good at cleaning."

  
"Well, it's my job."  


"Yeah but you're _really_ good at it. This place has never been cleaner since you started working him."

"Alright."  


The subject of his seduction attempt wasn't responding as Zeke would have liked. By this point, he assumed they'd be making out, at least. However, he had to admit that... perhaps his flirting skills were a bit rusty because he wasn't doing much flirting since he had come to terms with the fact he only wanted to seduce his younger brother and that had been a while ago... It had been when on his brother's birthday, the day Eren hit eighteen that he realized he loved him and that at the time being it wouldn't be too creepy if he tried to seduce him, at least from a legal standpoint. Ever since that day, he had stopped pursuing any romantic or sexual relations with anyone else. All those years of crafting his craft, mastering the art of flirting, had come to an end, though not exactly. Zeke wanted to seduce his brother, after all, but it wasn't something he could be too forward about so normal flirting wouldn't work, it was like an entirely new art. The art of seducing your younger half-brother.

  
The janitor was almost done cleaning the spilled coffee when he noticed the strange man that had been directing weird comments at him not only had gotten strangely quiet, but was also starting to silently tear up while trying to hold back those tears, like a little kid raised under the patriarchy who had been told all his life that boys don't cry and now as an adult doesn't know of any healthy ways of dealing with his emotions and expressing sadness feels like a display of weakness, which makes him even more upset because now he's crying but also feels weak and emasculated for doing so.

  
His job had nothing to do with interacting with stupid students or whatever this blond was, but he wasn't completely heartless to just leave him alone. Besides, he felt too awkward around grown men who try really hard to no avail to hold back snot coming from their noses, he just had to intervene, he had to do something. 

  
"Is... anything wrong?" Of course, there was. Levi searched in his pockets for a small pack of paper tissues and handed it to the blond who accepted it while still trying to act as if nothing was upsetting him.  
"No... Well, kinda." He grabbed a tissue and loudly blew his nose, making the janitor really regret his choice of interacting with him. "I just.. I was thinking of not very good things... bad memories." 

  
The janitor just nodded solemnly, hoping he'd just go and it'd all end there.

  
"Hey," oh no, the blond was still talking and even worse, seemed like he was about to ask him something. "would you like to go grab some coffee after your shift?"

  
Shit. 

  
Fuck.

  
Fuck bitch fuck fuck shit mom fuck bitch FUUUUUUCK.  


DICK.  


"Eh..." Levi tried to avert his gaze but he knew the other man looked like he was going to just burst out crying if he rejected him. What the fuck was he meant to say to that? _No, get the fuck out of my sight you creep._ This blond bitch was going to make him lose his job because he was too fragile for god knows what reason that made him start sobbing randomly at this university hall. Why did he have to ask for that? "I don't really like cof-"

  
"Tea? Juice? A milkshake? We can get ice cream if you prefer. We could also just go to a restaurant."  


"I..." Damn, why was he so adamant. The janitor closed his eyes, trying to gather strength. There was nothing more that he wanted than to just end his job for the day and go to his house to spend the rest of it alone but he couldn't make this weird student cry. _He's just very lonely_ , Levi told himself as if that made things any better, _he probably just wants to for a bit and then I'll be free I can pretend to listen and say some shit like it'll be okay but never talk to me again and he'll be calm and we'll go on our separate ways_. "I... guess?" Levi really wanted to die. He hated this man despite not knowing him, he couldn't stand how he smelled like an ashtray and how his beard looked.

  
The blond grinned the grinniest of grins, making the janitor even hate him more but it was too late now to escape.

  
"Perfect, let's go."

  
"I still have to work for the next three hours."

  
"Oh... alright, I'll just go along with you until."

  
"Don't you have classes or something?"

  
"I mean... yeah, but I don't want to go. I don't think I could concentrate anyway... you know, because of the sad thoughts. So I can go with you and point out the places that you can clean."

  
The janitor didn't reply, he just shrugged and Zeke took that for acceptance. They both went on their way to clean the dirty campus. Well, only one of them was going to clean.

  
It had all gone according to keikaku, whatever that word meant. Some people couldn't resist sensitive boys and it seemed that Rivaille was one of them. Zeke was very pleased with himself, at first it seemed like the janitor was a tough one to crack but he knew he would seduce him eventually, he just had to find the right approach and now, the janitor was his.  



End file.
